(this was written this morning and typed up later)
Today I left my house without an end goal in mind. This is highly unusual, as I typically need a destination to be able to even leave the house. As a wanderer, I am not the person you would take on a spontaneous adventure.
This morning, I just had to get out of there. So I left, trusting my feet to take me where I needed to go. Naturally I ended up at the coffee shop I stop at every time I walk to (and many times from) work. Actually, I should say walkED. As of yesterday I don’t go to work at the UW anymore. When I come back in the fall, that won’t be my house, and this won’t be my neighborhood.
I reached the coffee shop (Essential Baking Company) and got my coffee and a pastry. At this point I should mention that I had been sobbing for about half an hour and probably looked gorgeous (I joke, I’m pretty sure I looked like a mess). The crying was a long time coming and quite irrelevant to this narrative, other than the end result.
Anyhow, the truly attractive half-crying/half-weezing I was still trying to contain while I ordered resulted in a free pastry (I refuse to believe that anyone could have found any other reason to treat to baked goods at that moment). It was a lovely gesture and that kindness and neighborliness is something I will miss immensely. Which, of course started me crying again. Have I mentioned that I suck at transitions, change, conflict and general upset in my world? Cause I’m a bit overwhelmed right now (but that is a different story)
I left the coffee shop with grand ideas of walking down to gasworks (my favorite place in seattle) to read, drink coffee and (since I am being honest here) do a good bit of moping and seething. But as I crossed the street, I looked up and saw the space needle peaking out from behind the curve of Queen Anne (for all non-seattleites: a hill/neighborhood). The sun was shining on the sidewalk and my feet just stopped right there. So I sat.
And here I am, writing this on a scrap paper book cover I made to hide my book of crossword puzzles. (so it looked like I was taking notes at work, another long story). Just enjoying this odd, tiny, concrete corner of the world. The sun is illuminating the needle and life is continuing to flow around me. Normal, mundane, saturday morning life.
As usual, my feet knew exactly where I needed to be and brought me there in their, no nonsense, one in front of the other, way. Maybe I will end up walking down to the park and maybe I won’t. Until then I will stay here, the oddity sitting on the corner, writing on the cover of a book.
Treasuring this little moment of peace.