Impulsive Inquiry

uncontrolled questioning of the world I perceive.


1 Comment

Ruminating on rumination

It has been over a year since I wrote here. I can’t really explain why. There are so many excuses, my job, school, crazy life events, sheer overwhelming obligations, etc. The reality is more about fear, or lack of the same. When I began writing it was because I was afraid. Everything was falling apart and I needed something to anchor myself with. Something that offered connection. And so I wrote. And so I entered a new chapter of my life firmly tethered to the world.

Over the past year I have thought a lot about writing here, but never felt that I had anything important enough to say to break my silence. The more time that passed the more oppressive that thought became. I was connected, tightly strapped to the world, I had a million excuses. It seemed impossible to come back without a revolutionary epiphany. So here it is: That is Bullshit.

Yep.

There is no epiphany, and I have had more than enough happen in this past year of my life to write about. Again this blog, or lack of blogging, came down to fear. This time it was fear of adding another obligation to my already too full plate. That in writing I would risk my happiness. The idea that once begun, it must continue on a regular basis. That this blog is something other than a place for me to put thoughts into words, to connect, to use language to assuage fear. This is not an obligation that must be met, an assignment with a due date, a client with an appointment. This is for me and I can do with it what I want.

So.

This blog is no longer about fear. It is about freedom. Freedom to write how and when and what I want. If I feel like it. Who knows. I might not.

But you know me. I am nothing if not full of impulsive inquiry.

Advertisements